I see you, little one

With my son, I learned how to love.
But with my daughter, I am learning how to love myself.
I see how you look at me, little one
I see you studying my smile wondering just what it is that makes my cheeks crinkle
I see you stand there, little version of me—and I want to be better
So I am learning to
Crave my curves
Serenade my scars
And long for the lines that lay across my thighs
When I see you seeing me, I want my self love to scream out, “I am worthy no matter how I look”
I see how you look at me, little one
Your eyes house a sparkle you’d never find among the stars
And I will do whatever I can, to keep them sparkling forever.

Photo Of The Day 4.21.21

Photo by, Candice Leigh © 2021

If I listen hard enough, I can hear the water ripple as laughter filled the air

Are these the moments you speak of?

Just keep swimming, she said

Kick with all your might

Fight like never before

And when depression holds my head under the water

I remember this day

I remember her voice

Just keep swimming, she said

Kick with all your might

Fight like never before

on the days i feel i failed them (moms you aren’t alone)

on days such as today i am certain that my

uncertainty is where it all went wrong

what are the ways in which i can make failure sound graceful

make it something to be proud of

how many stanzas does it require to add rhythm to this offbeat day

my pen stands still

because no matter how i dot my i’s or cross my t’s

these tears still flow from my eyes

my daughter rubs my arm

i can tell she’s confused

tears followed by bursts of anger would confuse anyone

but that’s how fast i knew i needed to slow down

that’s how quick it was to fail my kids today

to have a way with words and still unsure of how to use them

she continues to rub my arm

she comforts me for losing my cool

when she’s older i’ll tell her the story of the imperfect being

who meant well but didn’t always know the way

who worked hard but didn’t always know the limits

who loved harder than can be described but also made mistakes

until then i’ll hug her tightly

or maybe i’ll rub her arm until she falls asleep

reassuring her that my arms are still her safe space

and once she’s down for her nap i’ll call the doctor to

discuss these meds that still aren’t working