masked before.

i’ve been wearing masks long before the pandemic started
i have them in different designs and a few different colors
the lipstick shade of brown and red mixed together works
really well for avoiding the are you ok questions
and if i follow the curve of my lip well enough
i forget which mask im wearing

my eyes serve as walls that barricade tears
and i tend to avoid eye contact with anyone
for meeting in the middle leaves me powerless
and just like now i wear my mask to protect not only myself
but i wear them to protect you too
who knows how my words would you hostage if i let them flow freely

and on the rare days i feel safe enough to leave my mask behind
don’t worry i make sure to stay 6 feet away
far enough that the scent of depression doesn’t make anyone curious
and if by chance i cry without my mask on
i’ll be sure to bury my head into my hands
i’ll quarantine for as long as i need to
and i’ll emerge when i feel better
and maybe by that time, masks will no longer…
who I am kidding..

mask off.

and all this time the smoke screen i stood behind
you never knew existed
you held me in your arms and the smile i wore drifted
and for the first time ever, the oceans that lived in my eyes pushed out streams that flowed down my cheeks

my knees grew weak
love dressed up as a spell
and suddenly i am compelled to be nothing other than me
i am not who you think i am
is this face still worthy of you
unmasked and riddled with imperfection
and on some days, depression
now that you see me
do you see me


And when my fire fades you are there to replenish
A never ending flame
A repeating cycle of love fueled with passion
The things you hate about yourself I love
The spaces my soul leave empty you fill
For what we were doesn’t compare to what we are
And there is nothing that can compete to what we will become
Your words heal scars that before you bled endlessly
My words bring new definitions to pain you thought you understood
Forever learning that loves teacher lived in us all along
However lessons were never learned until we met

Encouraged Love Affair

I’d go as far as to say that no one is interested in a story everyone has heard already.
Once people hear stories, different versions start popping up. Settings change. Characters are created from thin air. Timelines never seem to add up to the original story.
It’s the title that ignites excitement, right?
I would assume the title is what peaks your interest in the first place.
Determines if you’ll buy the book, click the link, or continue reading the incredibly long social media post everyone keeps sharing.
What if I told you this was about a love affair?
Would it interest you to hear about a heart divided?
What is a love affair? I mean, is it possible to have more than one meaning?
I guess that would depend on who you ask.
Not sure I mentioned it before but this just isn’t any ole’ love affair.
In fact, it is about my love affair.
It is my heart that is divided.
Is that your deciding factor?
Did you buy the book? Did you click the link? Will you keep reading?
If I am being honest, she held my heart in her hands even before I knew I possessed the power to give it away.
I never have to explain what it is I am thinking because her fingers are already knee deep in my mind exploring the pathways I tried to keep secret.
She speaks life into the words that sit idly on my heart. She gives them meaning.
She sings out loud the feelings I’ve only let exist deep within my soul.
How could she know?
In my most uncomfortable positions she makes it very easy to move.
In the darkest of times she gives me 20/20 vision.
She is the wisdom in a world filled with confusion.
Her lyrics fall so softly on my verses.
Her notes reach the highest only when I am offbeat.
She is the cat call buried deep down wanting nothing more than to just be whistled.
I think it could be one of the greatest love stories ever told.
Filled with all the emotions needed to make a best seller.
Love, hate, passion, intimacy, vulnerability, fear…
Do I need to go on?
What more is there to say?
She is…
Well she was…
Are we?
I could give her many names.
But today I’ll call her music
And she will play in my heart forever.