Colors Not So Bright

Black was the bridge I stood on

Lost in its nothingness

Grasping desperately for blue skies

Grasping for anything really- anything that could ground me

Surround me with dirt so brown, I can bury these gray thoughts

And then water them with ambition so purple I sprout new roots

Roots so unrecognizable to the red hands stained with my blood

The same red hands that tried to drown me in yellow waters and told the world they were just killing me with kindness

Except it was minus the kind

It was my mind that paid the price for a hunger so intense it turned you green with envy

They found you in me

Unaware that though you were removed

Remnants of your not so bright colors remained in my once vibrant veins

And now when I try to love in every color I assume I’ll be declined

Stolen was the sparkle that set me apart

Leaving me colorblind

As Mental Health Awareness Month is coming to an end…

I pride myself on being an amazing mother, partner, family member, friend, human being etc.-and here’s why…

There was a point in my life where I was more angry than sad. I was sad because I was so depressed and i was angry because I truly felt like no one gave a shit. So much so that I tried to take my own life (this was years ago) and I wrote a suicide note, and turns out I kept it.
I’ll be honest I didn’t even know I kept it until I stumbled upon it yesterday digging through old journals.

And so I sat down and read it- I bawled. Y’all, I was so angry back then.
It broke my heart to read a letter I left behind for people who knew me and yet it was filled with so much anger and then there was part for Kannen and I told him that despite what anyone tried to tell him, his momma loved him.

Reading a note that was telling my son goodbye- whew, that hit different and it just…
It just really broke my heart.

My point being that as #mentalhealthawarenessmonth comes to an end, I want my family, my friends, other human beings, etc. – I just want you to know I care, I’ll always care- even when I say I don’t…I do.

I will be your vault, your shoulder to cry on, your person, your safe space-I will be what you need in the moment you need it the most.

It’s important that we remind those that we love just how much we love them.
You never know what people are going through.

I love you guys with everything I have and then some.

✨🖤✨